Meta feelings

Thanks to a lovely night out with my friend T., I was able to add a new word to my collection: meta rage. I suppose this term does not exist at all, but it is truly appropriate. According to T., meta rage describes the feeling of being angry about being angry. Get it? Let me explain.

Sometimes (and sometimes quite often) I am angry about something or someone, even though I know deep inside that I shouldn’t even waste energy on the topic. So then, I am not only angry about that specific situation, but it also pisses me off that I am angry. And that is even worse, because I turn the anger on myself, and then it lasts. Sometimes I get nervous out of the blue, and the fact that I do makes me even more nervous. In the end, it is a waste of time altogether.

So why do we tend to do this, and – more importantly – how can we stop it?

I guess the reason is the eternal self-judgement. I am sure most of you are familiar with it. We find it hard to accept negative feelings, and we judge them, especially when we know that there is no real reason other than wanting to be pissed off. We are not like that, right? We are empathetic, understanding and we know how everything works. Nagging feelings are a no-go. And it gives us yet another reason to feel flawed.

The way out? T. will hate my answer – the answer is mindfulness. I have come to believe that mindfulness is the only way to feel better and to nurse your positive feelings. When you feel rage or anger, sit down and look at the feeling, but don’t judge it. I know it’s hard. But when you do this, it will lose its importance, and it will lose its impact on you. I am not at all saying that you should ignore negative feelings, for I believe that they are some sort of warning. You should look into them and find out what is really wrong. It is not about the fact that someone said something stupid to you. It is not about the fact that someone gave you weird looks. It is about how you perceive those things and what they trigger in you.

This is also the reason why we rarely tend to have positive meta feelings. Maybe we should try to practise them! Feel happy about feeling happy! Feel surprised about being surprised. Feel love for being loved. That would be a great approach!

So now, after a day of being tired of being tired, about being pissed off of being pissed off, I shall focus on the good things. I am being loved, and I love that. I had some good laughs and that makes me laugh.

Happy weekend everybody!

Kerstin

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