The mirrors and the nightingales


In my last post about anxiety I mentioned that I currently have to let go of some people in my life, because they are not good for me. I have thought about it a lot afer that post, and I have come to the conclusion that this statement might have been a tad premature, or inaccurate at least. There is only one former friend whom I really have to let go, simply because she refuses any contact with me. That would be fine, if only I knew why. I honestly have no idea what happened. And that is why it still bothers me – her arrogance and punishing attitude. But I guess that’s what I have to do: let her go. Other friendships have just faded without any bitter feelings, and that is part of every life.

I have discovered that the people who have an impact on me are basically two kinds of people: the mirrors and the nightingales.

The mirrors

These are the people I had in mind during my last post. I guess you could call them my pet peeve people – people who I am friends with in a way, but whose attitudes and actions make me really angry at times. Still, I keep going back to discussing with them, reading their updates and letting them make me angry. I can hear you say “Well, then just don’t discuss with them, don’t read their updates and just walk away!” That’s what I would say to you, too! But I have discovered that I can’t, that I need them. Because they are mirrors – my mirrors! Why else would I become so worked up over their actions and opinions, if not because they touched me?! I only get angry over things that I don’t like about myself or over hurtful things that I let happen to me in the past despite knowing better, so apparently that’s what they trigger.

If I didn’t have those mirrors in my life, I would not be able to progress and to mirror myself. You need to know who you don’t want to be in order to understand who you want to be! If I dislike e.g., how a person treats his or her friends, I will not do the same. Mirrors help me place myself in my life and appraise the past.

The nightingales

When I thought about all those different people in my life, the word “nightingale” just popped up in my brain. I am not sure what nightingales symbolise in poetry or dreams, but for me it is pure beauty. I love the night as much as I love the day, and sometimes even more. It is soothing and helps me focus my thoughts and be creative. I don’t think I have ever heard a nightingale sing, but I have a nearly romantic picture of it in my head. So my nightingales are those people who sing their songs straight to my mind, who inspire me and who help me gather strength for the day. I am very lucky to have such people in my life! Nightingales often come unexpectedly, and interestingly, often when you don’t even know that you need them. They are not always present, but always there.

I’d like to share one of my recent nightingale moments with you. I had felt rather low for a while when one day, I pulled a small envelope out of my mailbox. It was from a very dear friend of mine, whom I don’t see very often. She had been on vacation in Beijing and kind of stumbled over something that reminded her of me in a shop: a little fragile golden bookmarker in the form of a sunflower. Knowing how much I love sunflowers, she thought about me and decided to send me the bookmarker. This little gift means more to me than any huge presents! She is a true nightingale – thank you, Miss J.!

Of course, my mirror and nightingale typology is very bold and simple. Most of my mirrors have given me nightingale moments in the past, at least I thought so at the time. And all my nightingales obviously also help me mirror myself, just in a different, more interactive and productive way. I am grateful for both because they help me keep going! And I hope that I can be both mirror and nightingale for others!

Yours truly, madly, deeply!


All photos used in this blog are mine unless stated otherwise. Feel free to use them if you like, but be decent and link to this site!


6 thoughts on “The mirrors and the nightingales

  1. Of course, there are people who are only mirrors or nightingales, but aren’t they simply exceptions? For me it’s not as simple as that.

    In my life most people are both at the same time. Sometimes they tend to be more nightingale, then they change and become mirrors. Or the other way around.

    People I don’t get very close to at first always are nightingales. That’s why I become friends with them, we are nightingales to each other. And then, when we start to spend more time together, they eventually (also) become mirrors. Some of them might never change back to nightingales. Often times, at that point, it’s too late to easily get rid of them, they are already part of my life.

    Concerning your former friend who just refuses to talk to you: You are missing some kind of “closure”. One of my very best friends did that to me 5 years ago and I still think of her a lot. I don’t know what happened, she seemed ot be upset about something I had done and then refused to talk to me. I never found out what was wrong and still worry about that. I never had the chance to properly say good bye, I guess that’s what bothers me most. And I would like to know how she is doing. It’s a bit as if she had died: all of a sudden she was gone.

    • Yes of course, the distinction is not as bold. I wrote it here: “Of course, my mirror and nightingale typology is very bold and simple. Most of my mirrors have given me nightingale moments in the past, at least I thought so at the time. And all my nightingales obviously also help me mirror myself, just in a different, more interactive and productive way.”

      My nightingales are people whom I either got close to in an instant or after a while, but we always have a strong connection.

      You are absolutely right about the missing closure for my friendship with this one girl. Have you never seen your friend again? I am totally scared to run into her one day. Worst thing: there are two other friends who know what happened but they don’t want to get into it and don’t tell me anything.

      • No, I never ran into her again. I tried to contact her for about a year after it happened, but she simply refused to reply. A year after it happened somebody told me that she hat left the country and was well, so I hope she just made her dream come true and maybe married a rich men (she knew some very rich men, so that’s possible).
        I actually don’t think I will run into her by coincidence, I think she really left, but every now and then I see somebody who looks like her and then my heart skips a beat…

        • Oh that is sad! I am sure I’ll run into her. She lives somewhere else, but her sister lives around the corner from me and her parents live close to my parents. I am torn between wanting to scratch her eyes out and cry 😀

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