Well…. how did this happen? If you asked me, dear readience, I would have sworn to you that last Christmas was only a couple of months ago – time flies when you’re having fun as they say… apparently I’ve had a lot of fun! Honestly, how can a year go by this fast? I partly blame the fact that this year, we had Autumn weather here in Germany until like July, then a quick spell of Summer before it was Autumn again. My body misses true seasons and my mind does, too.
Until an hour ago, I did not feel like Christmas at all. I mean, I did go to the Christmas market a few times, I have decided with my parents whose turn it is to cook dinner and I have bought and packed all my presents. But still…. tomorrow is Christmas? I then asked myself what would characterise a good Christmas for me – and I guess what I and most adults are missing is the feeling we had as children.
In Germany, December 24th is the main day. When I was a kid, we usually had coffee and cake in the afternoon – in the kitchen, because the living room was already locked so we would not disturb the ‘Christkind’. In Germany, it’s not Santa who brings the presents but the Christkind. So what is the Christkind? We always imagined ‘it’ like an angel. I guess. When I think about it, nobody ever said what it looked like! So anyways, after coffee (we are not much of a tea nation) we would go either to the kids’ service at the local church or, when we were older and decided church is not for us, for a walk. When we got back we would sit in the kitchen for a while until a bell rang (oddly enough that was always when my Dad had just excused himself to go to the bathroom!). The living room would than miraculously be open, the lights on the Christmas tree would be lit and there would be gentle music. Of course, my brother and I just wanted to run over to the tree and rip open the presents, but we had to stand still for a minute or so and admire the tree 🙂 The rest of the evening would be filled with dinner and playing with our new toys. And I strongly remember the feeling that I always got.
Of course this special kids’ feeling disappears over the years. You see Christmas more as a chance to get the whole family together. And then, after my brother was gone, Christmas was just a nightmare for a few years. I just wanted to block it out – except you can’t!!! It is everywhere and in your face! For the past few years, my parents and I just meet up at my place, have dinner together and just sit and chat.
This year got very busy towards its end. I stressed over more or less important things, sometimes just turned in circles around myself and totally forgot to breathe (not literally, but, uhm, you know). So earlier today I was on the phone with a friend and I told her about my trip to Holland a few weeks ago where I took a walk on the beach and all of a sudden got overwhelmed by emotions while looking at the sea. For a moment, everything was put into perspective – the eternal and powerful ocean and little me. The world does not revolve around me and a lot of my concerns are really first-world problems. It was all so clear to me when I was standing there – and as soon as I got back home, I forgot about it. Remembering that moment today made my Christmas, that’s what it is about. It’s a time to be grateful for what I have: I am healthy. I’ve still got both my parents who, even though they are separated, will both spend Christmas Eve with me. I’ve got a great guy who loves me and I am surrounded by great people who inspire me. I am small and just a tiny moment in the whole of things but in my own little cosmos I am very blessed. I do feel like Christmas now and always because life has given me gorgeous gifts which a lot of people surely do not have!
On that note, happy holidays everybody out there – whatever you celebrate!
Yours truly, madly, deeply!
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